I don’t usually do the top-ten shtick, but I’ve seen too many horrible personal websites linked from digg, populicious, and reddit this week to resist. There are just a few things that you don’t do in a weblog (and satire is good for the soul).

#1 - Pictures of yourself

Your momma may like your mug, but it doesn’t add anything to your writing. In fact, your picture shatters any hope that I might imagine you as more interesting or intelligent than you are. Let your posts paint it, and stay hidden well behind the curtain.

It’s difficult to undo the effects of prejudice, especially when it’s the result of one of the lower-order inputs like sight and sound. Once I’ve seen your face, my subconscious draws its own conclusion. After that, anything I read is filtered through that picture and what my mind has made of it. And if you’re the average geek, the picture ain’t that pretty.

Let me decide if I want to see behind the curtain. If you decide for me, it’s going to take a lot of great writing to change what my mind’s eye has already seen.

#2 - Hubris (be yourself)

Don’t try to be too cool, too corporate, too fancy-shmancy, or too anything that you’re not. Figure out who you are and write from that. If you’re not honest, I’ll see it and move on.

Advertising is another hint of hubris. I know that you have to pay the bills (don’t we all), but don’t be greedy. If the ads hinder your content, to the left, right, and everywhere, I’ll curse you for your arrogance. If you want to make more money from your site, here’s a hint: write more, and write better — or be creative.

A noisy site is another sign of an inflated view of self. I think it’s cool if you work on other stuff. I’m interested in the things you’ve read. But don’t push it in my face all at once: it’s loud and it’s abrasive. Just avoid the noise. A front page full of dozens of different things doesn’t highlight any one of them well.

Be balanced, be humble, and be yourself. Everything else just gets in the way.

#3 - Ignorance (duh)

I know that we’re all learning, but there are a few sins of ignorance that I find especially repulsive. I wont stick around long if all I find is sloppy, ignorant, senseless drivel.

To start, you need to write clearly and correctly. Bending the rules can be fun, but IM-speak or plain-old lazy writing is just lame. Learning to write well takes time and effort (I’m still just a hack), but if you want to be widely read then it’s a requirement.

Your reasoning needs to be sound too, or at least interesting. A good rant is golden, but a rant rife with logical fallacy is painful to read. One you can write clearly the holes in your thinking become apparent. Fill in the holes (or be more creative), and people will find your writing more interesting.

#4 - Stolen, crappy, or ugly content

Blatant dishonesty is worse than arrogance, and presentation (while superficial) makes the first impression. If it’s not yours, if it’s crap, or if it makes my eyes bleed, I will never be back.

I’m always up for a good 101 Reasons Ruby Sucks rant, but only if the writing is clear, the reasoning is balanced, and it all makes sense. A good rant is useless if you don’t know what you’re talking about. An incoherent rant is even worse as it’s unbearably annoying. And any rant rendered in #0F0-green on black with comic-sans will make me run screaming. It doesn’t have to be beautiful, but it does have to be readable.

Due to the magic of RSS, I skim thousands of posts monthly. I’ll k-line you as soon as I see link-jacked or lifted content. I’m only interested in original content, so if it’s not yours then why return to your site?

Link logs are cool if you add something to the links, and you make it clear that the stuff is located elsewhere. Never make me click through the RSS to your site just to get at the links, as that’s an obvious cash-grab. And always give credit where it’s due, especially when it’s from another blogger. Links are a dime-a-dozen and I’m only going to return if I see something unique or interesting.

Learn to write well. Learn to reason well. Learn to find the interestingness in your opinions. Find a clear, simple presentation. Do that, and I might just read your site every day.

#5 - 404s, server-down, and bandwidth exceeded

I love to read, but I can’t read what I can’t see. I don’t care if your server has gone down in a huge ball of flames, or if your webhost is holding your offspring hostage for payment: keep the site up. Good hosting is cheap, as is reasonable weblogging software.

And don’t submit your site to the major aggregators unless you can handle it. It used to be funny when a site was slashdotted, but now it’s just sad. If you wan to play with the big boys, be prepared for it.